ATLANTA

It’s hard to live in the South. Not just because the mosquitoes are big as chicken hawks and the humidity is like breathing through a wet blanket in a microwave, but because concerts and big events usually pass us by. Luckily, despite Tecumseh Sherman’s best efforts to burn it to the ground, we have Atlanta.

If you live in Georgia, South Carolina, Alabama, north Florida which is basically just Alabama, or Mississippi, you depend on Atlanta for your cultural edification. Baseball fan? You only have the Braves. Football fan? Pick a college team, but if needs must, there’s always the Falcons. Want to see Hamilton or any new Broadway show? How about your favorite comedian, the one with five Netflix specials? Prepare to drive through off-work Atlanta traffic to The Cobb Center. How about that weird but somehow very famous niche thing you’re into, like Trixie & Katya, Regina Spektor, or the newest Wes Anderson movie? They will deign to visit Atlanta and Atlanta only, because they sure as heck aren’t touching down in your one-horse hometown.

So if you’ve never been to Atlanta before and you want to do something other than see a Braves game, visit World of Coke, or go to the airport, read on!

(P.S. For more pictures and videos of all the fun times I’ve had in Atlanta, follow me at instagram.com/rebeccamcqueenwrites!)

WHAT TO SEE

Well, let’s start with the obvious.

The event you traveled all the way to Atlanta for. While bigger events like Broadway touring shows, ballet/opera performances, famous comedians and big concerts will go to the Cobb Energy Performing Arts Centre, Atlanta also hosts smaller venues that rival Nashville in terms of coolness. The best example of an event space to not miss is Tabernacle. Similar to the Ryman Auditorium in Nashville, Tabernacle used to be a Baptist Church, then it was abandoned, then it was converted into a blues club during the 1996 Olympics, and now it is a stunning concert venue. If you have nothing to do and you’re looking for great live music, see if you can score tickets to whoever’s lucky enough to play at Tabernacle.

Festivals. Atlanta hosts festivals all year round, but because it is the birthplace of the Dirty South, there is a thriving music scene. Atlanta is the hometown of such laudatory artists as OutKast, Ludacris, Lil Jon, Usher, Gucci Mane… the list goes on (and on and on). So while the music festival scene is very respectable in the South (Bonnaroo and The Hangout topping the list), don’t miss a music festival in Atlanta.

Shakespeare Tavern Playhouse. Okay, the non-English-majors are scoffing, but you know what? Donald Glover got his start here. Yeah, all you Community and Childish Gambino fans? He’s a big ol’ Shakespeare nerd, just like me. Seriously though, even if you’ve never seen a Shakespeare play, this is the second-best place I’ve ever seen Shakespeare performed. (The first is at the American Shakespeare Center in Virginia, but… like… you’re not going there.) Don’t go see a tragedy, like Romeo and Juliet (which they do every year around Valentine’s Day), see a comedy. I promise you, they are such well-trained and straight-up funny actors, even if you’re not well-versed in Elizabethan English, you will understand the plot and laugh at the sexy fart jokes just as if you were a Groundling at The Globe. It’s a dinner and a show type place, so plan to chow down on shepherd’s pie, pasties (British calzones), and Yorkshire beers!

Ride around The Beltline. Atlanta has plenty of scenic parks, the best being Piedmont Park (like Manhattan’s Central Park except smaller and in Atlanta so don’t stand too long in one area), second best is Centennial Park (where World of Coke and the Aquarium are), third best is Grant Park (where the zoo is, up next). Actually, that’s not fair. Atlanta is HUGE. It’s not an easily traversable city: Six Flags Over Georgia and the Chattahoochee River are way over on the east side of the city, nearly half an hour away from the city’s center. You have neighborhoods like Bankhead and Buckhead in the north (guess which one’s the rich neighborhood), and even farther north–practically in Marietta–is the Braves stadium, Truitt Park, and the Cobb Energy Performing Arts Center. Also, Atlanta takes up, like, 30 percent of the whole state. That friend you have from Georgia? They’re from a suburb of Atlanta. Except it’s a suburb that’s like two hours away from the city. I’m giving you a lot to do on this list, but there’s no way you could possibly cover this in one visit. That being said, if you want to spend a nice day seeing a good chunk of downtown, rent a scooter or a city bike and pedal around The Beltline. Click here for an interactive map with all the deets.

Zoo Atlanta. I love a good zoo, and I think Atlanta’s is the best in the South, even over Memphis and Nashville. You know why? GORILLAS. They have this amazing gorilla habitat with a big glass wall, and the gorillas will just come right up and hang out with you. They’ve got lions, tigers, giraffes, elephants, sloths, komodo dragons, and very cute giant pandas, but honestly… go for the gorillas.

(Okay here’s a lot of pictures of Zoo Atlanta animals but honestly these are Nat Geo quality and I’m very proud of them.)

Georgia Aquarium. While we’re on the subject of the sweet sweet thrill of enjoying animals in captivity, (jk jk read this article on why good zoos are beneficial for species conservation) explore one of the biggest tourist attractions in the city, the Georgia Aquarium. If you hit up the aquarium at 9:00 when it opens, you can easily see the whole thing in two hours, although it’s certainly not rinky-dink. The Georgia Aquarium’s biggest divas, the Mariah Carey and Whitney Houston as it were, are two enormous whale sharks. Googling whale sharks will not compare to how jaw-dropping they truly are when you see them up close. It’s the largest shark/fish in the ocean! The aquarium also houses dolphins, seals, sea otters, puffins, penguins, manta rays and stingrays, hammerhead and tiger sharks, and beluga whales. They have a sea turtle named Tank. Just don’t joke around with a docent about how Tank lives in a tank, because corporate won’t let them say “tank”… it’s a “habitat.”

Lips. Are you planning a girls trip, birthday, or bachelorette? If the answer is “you betta WERK” then make reservations for Lips, a drag club for straight women trying to yassify their lives. Seriously, Lips is a great time. If you’ve never been to a drag show, Lips is a good first time experience, where you’ll watch the wonders of men who look more like Britney Spears and Katy Perry than you ever will sashay down the aisles, lip-syncing and snatching your dollar bills. Although she’ll never admit it because she’s a snob, this is where Drag Race superstar Violet Chachki got her start. And the Queen Mother Herself, Ru Paul, also hails from Atlanta. Now if you’re a seasoned drag fan wishing to see some real death drops, check out this list of other drag clubs in the city.

Ponce City Market. Idk I feel like someone I know is going to read this and say “why did you leave out Ponce City Market?” So here it is, I’m paying tribute. It’s a very trendy, very hip eat-drink-shop-play area, and I bet you have a small-scale version of this in your hometown. Dare I call it a mall? Nah, I shouldn’t. The Roof of Ponce City Market is pretty cool; it has an area called Skyline Park that’s like a tiny version of Coney Island, and an outdoor bar called Sideshow. It’s a great place to take in the skyline views of Atlanta, but personally I prefer Hotel Clermont (more on that next).

Ride the rollercoasters at Six Flags, float the Chattahoochee, or see a Braves Game. All of these are tourist activities that are easy to read about anywhere, but I would feel bad if I didn’t put them on here, considering they have been the point of so many of my trips to Atlanta. All of these are full day excursions and are near or outside the city limits, so be careful to not load too much up onto your plate if you’re just in ATL for the weekend. Also, if you’re planning on doing these activities, you may want to stay outside of town, on the north or east side, where the hotels are cheaper. And remember: Atlanta is one of the worst cities in America for traffic. And unlike Washington DC, NYC and Boston, the train/subway system is not great, so you’re going to have to drive AND find parking. Factor that into anything on this list.

WHERE TO EAT

The Vortex. Okay I didn’t include Little Five Points in What to See because I wanted to put it here, but definitely go see Little Five Points! This is my favorite area of Atlanta. It’s the crunchiest, skunkiest, most adorable little neighborhood you’ll ever see. You’ve got a Native American artisan store, a chakra bead/crystal palace, several tattoo parlors, a record store, a women-owned bookstore, and three (yes, three) vintage clothing stores. And these aren’t thrift shops, no way. The most powerful of the trinity is Clothing Warehouse, and I dare you not to buy anything from there. 

As you walk by the groovy Cameli’s Pizza, the colorful taco bar Tijuana Garage, and the retro Zesto diner, you will be cheerily accosted by GreenPeace lobbyists, street artisans, and maybe a hobo, then you will soon approach an enormous crazy-eyed skull whose jaws open into a doorway. This is the gateway into The Vortex, home of Man vs. Food-style crazy burgers. Have your ID ready: this is a 21+ restaurant.

If you’re brave, try the Coronary Bypass Burger. If you’re crazy, try the Double Coronary Bypass Burger. If you’re stupid, try the Triple Coronary Bypass Burger. If you have a death wish, attempt to unhinge your jaw and cram in the Quadruple Coronary Bypass Burger. (Check it out.) Or, if your tastes do not gravitate towards cardiac arrest, try the Pickle Rick Burger: a schezuan-sauced burger with a fried pickle on top. Or the Hell’s Fury Burger: habañero relish, pepper jack cheese, roasted jalapeños, and Atomic Death Sauce. The drinks are just as crazy and creative. If you’re a beer drinker, try The Laughing Skull, the house beer, and if you’re not driving or planning on being a productive, coherent member of society this weekend, try the house specialty, the Skull Crusher.

Before you leave, check out The Junkman’s Daughter. It’s like if Spencer’s, Spirit Halloween, and your grandma’s attic combined into one gigantic Megazord of eclectic paraphernalia.

Atlanta Breakfast Club. Located next to Centennial Park (so a good spot before World of Coke or Georgia Aquarium) is Atlanta Breakfast Club, home to the best chicken and waffles I’ve ever had. I think chicken and waffles are really overrated, but this chicken was CHICKEN. The seasoning was 100, the breading was light, and it looked like a filet instead of a thigh, but if it was a thigh it could’ve fooled me; it was juicy without being greasy. Do yourself a favor and get the peach cobbler chicken and waffles; you’ll get some delicious spiced peach butter and Georgia peaches, as well as a little cobbler crumble on top. Atlanta Breakfast Club specializes in all kinds of breakfast delicacies: shrimp and grits, biscuit benedicts, french toast, breakfast tacos, even salmon croquettes, but do yourself a favor and get the chicken and waffles on your first visit. Don’t be deterred by the crowds outside or the wait time; they have a food truck with a DJ serving mimosas any way you want it out of huge coffee cups. A medium mimosa was like a grande Starbucks coffee cup, full to the brim. You’re gonna be feeling real good by the time you sit down, and the staff is so friendly and attentive. Plus they have their own house hot sauce that you can take home… obviously I bought a bottle.

Tiny Lou’s. Located in the basement of Hotel Clermont, Tiny Lou’s is a swanky joint that pays tribute to a former burlesque dancer who graced the halls of the hotel in the 50s. Hotel Clermont is very chic and very classy, kind of like the Dolly Parton-themed hotel Graduate Nashville, and Tiny Lou’s is a Condé Nast-highlighted restaurant, voted one of the best restaurants in Atlanta. 

Even if you just go for dessert, try the crêpe cake, which is twenty squidgy French crêpes layered in between flavored whipped cream. The flavors change with the seasons: my personal favorite is hazelnut chocolate, but strawberry compote is amazing and peach is a showstopper. And the staff is just the sweetest bunch of people you’ll ever meet. One time I spent my birthday weekend in Atlanta, and I called Tiny Lou’s multiple times in one day changing up my reservation like a crazy person, and not only were they completely understanding and accommodating, the whole staff got together and signed a birthday card for me with fun messages, a token which I still have and hold dear to my heart to this day. 

While you’re waiting for your reservation, head to the rooftop bar of Hotel Clermont for a daiquiri or hot toddy (depending on the time of year) and the best views in the city.

HOW TO PACK

If you’re from the South, like… why are you even reading this part? You know how to pack. It’s going to be just as swampy and muggy as your hometown, and there’s concrete everywhere, so it’s even hotter, and good luck finding parking near your event, so wear some comfortable kicks.

If you’re not from the South, it gets hot in Atlanta. Maybe not Orlando or Miami hot, but it gets muggy. However, since Atlanta is technically at the bottom of the Appalachians, it can get colder in the winter, maybe 40 degrees. In the spring, it’s windy, and in the fall it’s perfect. For the colder months, you’ll be fine in a leather jacket. I went to a wedding in Atlanta in November in a sleeveless dress; don’t worry too much about the cold.

Atlanta is very trendy. Here you’ll see club wear, ripped jeans and cut off shirts, bathing suits and buttless chaps, designer tracksuits, and whatever throwback fashion trend is on social media. You know that cool thing you bought that you never really get to wear around your hometown? Bring it to Atlanta and you’ll 1) fit in and 2) get tons of compliments. 

Things I’ve worn to Atlanta with good feedback:

1. A silver sequin kimono
2. A crop top, galaxy leggings, and space buns
3. A boho dress and floppy hat
4. A celestial jumpsuit
5. A hot pink bubble sleeve dress with hot pink boots and a hot pink moto jacket
6. A Space Jam jersey with my lucky stars and stripes sequin fanny pack

In Atlanta, let your freak flag fly!